Exhaustion by 1000 Paper Cuts
Micro misbehaviors in my classroom
Teachers are exhausted. Every single day, teachers make 1500+ decisions ranging from redirecting students to quickly pivoting during a learning experience when students don’t understand a concept. I’m sure many of you have seen this video from a Kindergarten teacher, documenting the first minute of her school day.
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This is no exaggeration. In fact, this type of sensory overload is not unique to the primary grades. As a fifth-grade teacher, my students can be just as overwhelming.
Teaching is a dynamic profession. It requires both art and skill, coming together over years of experience, to form a pedagogical practice that supports your students. I’ve been teaching for 20+ years and yes, certain aspects of teaching do get easier. I have lots of practice deescalating stressful situations, explaining certain concepts in different ways in order to illustrate a point, planning learning experiences, knowing how and when to best integrate technology, and assessing how much time certain activities will take.
The most challenging things for any teacher to learn is how to let go of control. You cannot control every element of your classroom ecosystem. Students come to school with a huge range of emotions, abilities, and motivations. Your job is to take all of that energy and channel it into a positive learning environment. Teachers build a classroom community with their students, and then continue to support and amplify that community throughout the year. This takes a lot of energy. Teachers are exhausted.
If you have read any of my previous blog posts about teaching, you’ll know that I’ve always had challenging students. I think one of the main reasons is because I am a male elementary-school teacher and there are not many men in K-5 education. For most of my career, I’ve been the only male teachers in the building. Or, I’ve been one of two men (including the building engineer) in the school. As such, when teachers are looking for a good fit for their students, they often look to me to be that “positive male role model” that a challenging student needs.
Another cause is tracking. Most schools I have worked in, employ some form of student tracking: separating students by academic ability into groups for all subjects and curriculum within a school. You may have heard it called ability-grouping or clustering, but it’s the same as taking certain students and putting them together in the same classroom because of their perceived academic ability.
Despite decades of research showing the detrimental effects of tracking on students of color (i.e.: perpetuating systemic racial and socioeconomic inequality) and students with learning disabilities (e.g.: pigeon-holing students to only be exposed to below-grade-level academic content), this system of separating students persists because it is more convenient for the adults in the building.
For example, there are Special Education (SPED) and Gifted & Talented (GT) tracks where a few number of SPED or GT teachers work with selected students. These programs used to be pull-out meaning that the specialist teacher(s) pulled students out of the classroom for either intervention or enrichment. Lately, more school districts are opting for a push-in system where all of the SPED or GT students are clustered in one classroom and that teacher can provide intervention or enrichment support with the general education teacher’s help. Sometimes this is labeled as co-teaching, a collaborative approach to instruction in which two teachers, typically a general education teacher and a special education teacher plan and then implement instruction. Unfortunately, due to nationwide teacher shortages, it is more common to continue to segregate students based on academic ability and behavior, pulling students out of these classrooms for intervention or enrichment.
This is the system in which I find myself teaching year after year. I am usually assigned the SPED or ILC (Intensive Learning Center) cluster, which includes students with both academic gaps and severe behavior challenges. Since I focus more on building student relationships and helping students heal from past educational trauma, I structure my classroom in a free-flowing, humane way. I treat students as human beings, allowing them to work independently or collaboratively in small groups. This can be unwieldy at times when there are over 25 students in the classroom, especially when they are uninterested in the learning experience. Student noise has never bothered me, nor redirecting disengaged students or correcting small misbehaviors. Lately, though, keeping my students on task feels like more than a full-time job. There are near constant distractions and disruptions every single day.
It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted.
Micro misbehaviors
I don’t believe in most school disciplinary policies. In my experience, students receive far too many referrals for noncompliant behaviors. I don’t believe in compliance. I believe in empowering my students to reclaim their academic narrative and disrupt how others see them. I’ve had students who received detention or been suspended for questioning assignments (seen as defiance/noncompliance), not staying seated during instruction (seen as disruptive), and wearing hats or hoodies in the classroom (seen as dress code violations). It makes sense, then, that when they make it to my classroom, they are wary of all authority figures, especially their new male teacher. If students’ behaviors are controlled with authoritarian measures for 5 years, then, when they enter my classroom, and are allowed the freedom to be human, I understand why many misbehave or can’t regulate their emotions. After so long under authoritarian control, students are out of practice.
I don’t like kicking students out of my classroom for small things. When students question the purpose of an assignment, we dialogue. When students need to get up, I let them get out of their seats. As long as they are not actively trying to prevent me from teaching or others from learning, I see these behaviors as non-issues. Still, kids are kids and sometimes, they don’t want to do what I want them to do. Sometimes, they would rather chat with their tablemates instead of listen to directions. Sometimes, they are bored and pull other students’ focus away from the learning experience. Lately, however, I find that I am interrupted or our learning flow is disrupted every 30-90 seconds by 80% of my class.
Derek is playing in the bathroom.
Sarah is chatting with her tablemate about something that happened at recess.
Jesse is breaking pencils and throwing erasers across the room.
Scott is yelling to his friend across the room.
Charles still hasn’t taken out his writer’s notebook despite 16 requests.
Ivy is playing with her gluestick, gluing her fingers together, wiping them on Clint.
Clint is yelling at Ivy for wiping glue on him.
Michael is tattling that someone stole his writer’s notebook.
Kevin won’t stop eating Takis® even though it’s 8:30 AM and snack time isn’t for another two hours.
Hank and David overheard what Sarah was chatting about and join in the conversation.
Susie is yelling at Ivy for stepping on her coat.
James shoved Brian. Brian is getting ready to punch James.
Charles is chanting, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Meanwhile, I’m trying to give directions or do some actual teaching.
Aside from the physical fighting, none of these misbehaviors are anything I would write a referral for. Normally, each of these is something I would address through conversation and redirection. However, when these are all happening simultaneously, all the time, all day long, this faucet-drip, drip, drip of micro misbehaviors slowly drain my energy and patience. I find that I start dreaming of quiet and compliance. Can’t y’all just be quiet for three minutes while I explain this? What would it be like if I asked everyone to take out a pencil and their writer’s notebook, and…they actually did it? I’m not arrogantly claiming that all of my students should hang on my every word. I’m just exhausted. None of these, by themselves, are something I would lose my temper over. But, taken together, culminating throughout the school day, often leaves me feeling frayed and exasperated, unable to regulate my own emotions, much less teach.
Please don’t misunderstand. I love my students. I love my students and their constant misbehavior is driving me crazy. When I vent to my teammates who have the gifted and talented (GT) cluster, they look at me in bewilderment. They don’t have any of these behaviors. It must just be those kids. Or worse: It’s because Mr Neibauer can’t control his students because he’s not a very good teacher.
It’s clear that the reason I have so many of those kids in my classroom is because they didn’t want them in their classroom. And part of me is grateful that my students didn’t end up in their classrooms because if they did, they would be miserable and spend most of their time in the front office or yelled at and demoralized. I often feel very protective of my students because even though they misbehave, they are good kids who most other adults have stereotyped and written off. I try to create a learning environment where my students can be themselves and learn from each other.
I just don’t know how sustainable this model is. How can I teach my students double-digit multiplication when they got into a fight with their mom before school? How can I teach about the 13 Colonies when they become emotionally dysregulated so easily? How can I focus on instruction when I spend the majority of my day focusing on how to simultaneously teach my students how behave in school and critically question unfair and inequitable school practices?
I can’t. So, I continue to address each micro misbehavior as best as I can. I celebrate when Susie communicates her boundaries with Ivy. I praise when James uses his words instead of his hands. I get excited when Charles takes out his writer’s notebook without being asked 16 times. I continue to redirect my students while giving them space and time to socialize and enjoy their time in my classroom. I continue to have extremely high expectations for my students because I believe in them when they don’t believe in themselves. I focus on learning, not worksheets. I focus on students sharing their own ideas, not repeating my own. I provide my students with the same learning opportunities the GT students get even if my students are reading below grade-level. In fact, I try to design equitable learning experiences that students in other classrooms don’t receive. I try to amplify the good instead of focusing on the bad. Even though I am exhausted, there are bright spots in my day.
Just the other day, the entire class broke out into spontaneous singing. I was playing Taylor Swift’s 1989 album (I have a lot of Swifties in my class). When Style came on, everyone just started singing! It filled me with such joy that I almost teared up.
I love teaching. I show up every single day for my students. Teaching is hard and most days, I don’t know if I am making a difference, however, I’m certain that my students are worth every struggle. I want my students to gain a sense of independent accountability, especially in their academic work, but first, they need to relearn how to be a thoughtful and contributing member of a learning community of their peers. My primary goal is to teach students through kindness, love, and empathy.
I worry how long I can sustain this level of care and frustration. I can’t wait for the system to change where I don’t have so many challenging students in one class.
I plan to create more structure in my classroom, while not sacrificing student agency and autonomy. I want to focus less on my students’ disengagement, and try to attend to when they reengage to their learning. I realize that this is easier said than done.
As Dr. Brené Brown always says, “I’m not here to be right. I’m here to get it right.”
Resources
Demoralized: Why Teachers Leave the Profession They Love and How They Can Stay
Making Teachers Happy Again: A Conversation with Kim Strobel
I found this
broadcast just when I needed it. and Kim Strobel have a great conversation about teacher burnout and how teachers can reignite their passions.
Even if you have never heard the term restorative justice, you should watch this video.
Is Teaching a Sustainable Career? Teachers Weigh In
Even though I don’t plan to leave the classroom any time soon, it is important to understand the strain and stress that educators face every day. Plus, We Are Teachers is a great resource for educators.
I learned about this curriculum from our school psychologist. I’m a big fan, as I have seen it really help students return to a place of calm and collected headspace.
I feel so much of this!! It's hard to be the go-to teacher for SPED students ("but they do so much better in your classroom!") I bet it's tough to be one of the only men as well. My students were just talking about how girls do better in school and they are wondering if that's because the majority of teachers are women. As usual, the students are on to something...