I love listening to music. Sometimes the right song hits perfectly. In the evenings, we often crank up the volume and have a family dance party. Sometimes, my wife and I get into a particular mood, and play a nostalgic album from high school. Other times, I pass the aux to our teenagers and they school us on what artists and songs are hot.
When Billy Joel released the lyric video for Turn the Lights Back On in February, 2024, I got excited. I’ve loved Billy Joel since I was a teenager. The summer my parents split up, my mom moved to her hometown in Manhattan Beach. She needed someone to help set up her new place. Being the eldest, I was voluntold to spend my summer in California. I remember finding an old Billy Joel Greatest Hits CD in my uncle’s garage. I played it on my Discman all day, every day while painting the picket fence surrounding my mom’s new house. Billy Joel was a good companion that summer.
A few years later, in high school, I fell in love with An Innocent Man. My friends and I fantasized about becoming the coolest a cappella group in our high school1, singing doo wop in the parking lot before football games, and wooing girls at parties.
Now, after decades, Billy Joel released a new song. As expected, he did not disappoint.
I watched the lyric video for a week. The song is incredibly moving and I let myself get taken up in Joel’s emotionality. He sounded better than the Billy Joel I remember. He’s older. I’m older. A lot has changed in 30 years. I especially loved hearing the story how Freddy Wexler got Billy Joel to record a new song. Hearing Joel speak about writing music, after losing the joy he once felt, made me love the song even more.
After my week-long obsession with the song, I returned to the busyness of life: standardized testing, spring conferences, and finishing the school year. Joel released the official music video a couple of weeks later. I didn’t love the AI-generated images of early Seventies Piano Man progressing to Late Eighties Storm Front Joel. I did, however, appreciate the intention, showing a montage of his life on and off the stage.
After the music video dropped, I mostly forgot about Turn the Lights Back On. Every so often when I heard it on the radio. I’d turn up the volume and listen to Joel refuse to give up on songwriting; looking for forgiveness after being away so long. He is still a very welcome companion.
The whole point of doing what I do was because it was so much fun to do when I first started. I kinda lost that after a while. Freddy got me to find the joy in it again.
Billy Joel
At the beginning of each school year, I look for a theme song; something that speaks to how I’m feeling in the moment, but also a song that sets the tone for the year. This summer, I struggled to find the right song. Last year was such a challenging year. When that final bell rang, I packed up my room and unplugged myself from teaching. I spent the summer sleeping, reading, listening to music, writing, and spending time with my family. I didn’t think about teaching in the fall. I needed a break.
I’m now starting my 22nd year in public education. Honestly, I’m a bit nervous for the 2024-2025 school year. Since returning to the classroom post pandemic, I’ve struggled. I’m worried that I’ve become jaded, that I can’t compete for my students’ attention, and that I don’t have the energy and enthusiasm I once had as a younger teacher. Yet here I am, about to embark once again. Can I fall in love with teaching again?
When, after dinner one night, my wife played Turn the Lights Back On, I heard it differently. I listened to the lyrics and thought, is he writing about me? I know Billy Joel didn’t write this song for me, but that’s one of the most magical parts of art, especially music. An artist can create a song, painting, novel, and it means something different to everyone. This reminds me of a quote by Freddie Mercury: “Does it mean this, does it mean that, that’s all anybody wants to know. I’d say what any decent poet would say if anyone dared ask him to analyze his work: if you see it, darling, then it’s there!”
Billy Joel didn’t write this song for me to use as a theme song for the new school year. But he did, and I’m going to use it to help me shift my mindset this fall. His lyrics speak to my own vulnerability: teaching again after feeling like I’ve failed.
Turn the Lights Back On Lyrics
Please open the door
Nothing is different, we've been here before
Pacing these halls,
Trying to talk over the silence
When I opened my classroom door after 100 days of summer break, I felt a familiar mix of feelings: excitement, anxiety, and determination to roll up my sleeves and get to work setting up my classroom for a new group of students. I’ve been here before, sitting in my silent classroom, envisioning how I’m going to create positive, safe, and fun learning experiences for my new students. What will they need from me? How will their needs be different from last year’s bunch? As I work, I pace around my room thinking and reflecting, talking over my self-doubt and insecurities.
And pride sticks out its tongue
Laughs at the portrait that we've become
Stuck in a frame, unable to change
I was wrong
Intrusive thoughts tell me that I’m not as good of a teacher as I used to be. I feel stuck, unable to shake these feelings of fear and inadequacy. Since pandemic, I’ve felt more like a manager of misbehavior than an effective teacher. Teaching feels different than it used to. When I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I laugh, realizing how ridiculous I’m being: of course this year will be different. I may not be the best teacher in the world, but I still know what I’m doing.
I'm late, but I'm here right now
Though I used to be romantic
I forgot somehow
Time can make you blind
But I see you now
As we're laying in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?
Time has definitely blinded me. This is the problem with nostalgia: it’s skewed. I can’t pine for the good-ol-days of teaching. Was I a better teacher ten years ago? It depends on what I mean by better. I know that I have a stronger pedagogical practice than I did when I was younger. I know that I’ve improved my craft. What do I mean by better? Teaching in 2024 is completely different than teaching in 2014.
I used to naively think that my teaching was actively impacting the system of public education. By pushing back, questioning inequitable policies, I felt like I was changing things. The truth is that my influence on the larger system is nil. I positively influence my students, but it’s largely invisible. Why did it take me so long to recognize this? Perhaps I’ve had my head down for so long, grinding through the years, that I forgot to look up and realize that I’ve impacted thousands of students’ lives. It’s time for me to turn my inner light back on.
Here, stuck on a hill
Outsiders inside the home that we built
The cold settles in
It's been a long winter of indifference
And maybe you love me, maybe you don't
Maybe you'll learn to, and maybe you won't
You've had enough, but I won't give up
On you
I’m not indifferent to the teaching profession. These last ten years have been a long winter and I am questioning whether I still love teaching. I might not love teaching in the same way I used to, but maybe I love it differently. I tire of these intrusive thoughts. I believe in public education; that’s why I’m critical of it. I believe that teaching is one of the most important things I can do; that’s why I’m so reflective (and sometimes critical of myself). I won’t give up on teaching. Not now, not ever.
I'm late, but I'm here right now
And I'm tryin' to find the magic
That we lost somehow
Maybe I was blind
But I see you now
As we're laying in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?
Yes! I’m trying to find the magic I lost somehow. I’m no longer a newbie teacher. I’ve worked both in and out of the classroom. I’ve seen behind the curtain. I understand how the system works. I’m not blind to my role. I’m choosing to turn the lights back on and focus on creating memorable learning experiences for my students. Students don’t need a perfect teacher; they need someone who cares for them and shows up every day ready to make each school year count. Students need someone who cares for them, especially when things get tough and they feel low. I can be that teacher for my students. I’ve always been that teacher. I can do it again!
I'm late, but I'm here right now
Is there still time for forgiveness?
Won't you tell me how?
I can't read your mind
But I see you now
As we're layin' in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?
I think it’s time that I forgive myself for struggling so much these post-pandemic years. I’ve been hard on myself. I know that these years haven’t been the best ones of my career. I haven’t been my best self. It’s time I see myself clearly and embrace my vulnerability. After 20+ years, I’ve still got something to give my students.
I'm here right now
Yes, I'm here right now
Looking for forgiveness
I can see as we're laying in the darkness
Yeah, as we're laying in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?
I’m here right now, starting another first day of school. I’m ready to be the best teacher I can despite the insurmountable challenges I face every year. My vulnerability is my strength. A lot could go wrong this year. Even more could go right. To be a teacher is to craft new possibilities for students while repairing the mistakes caused from an inequitable education system. My job is to design learning experiences that students will remember. This year will be ours to shape together.
It’s time for me to turn the lights back on and fall in love with teaching again. The struggles are real (e.g.: demoralization, burnout, stress, lack of resources, over-reliance on standardized testing, inauthentic curricular resources), but my core beliefs remain. I believe that all students are capable of learning. I believe that building strong relationships is the most important thing I do as a teacher. I believe that joyful learning must always trump schooling. I know that I’m not the best teacher, but I’m a teacher who strives to be the best possible teacher for my students. Even when I mess up, I care too much about my students to give up. Teaching is more than tests and stress. To be a teacher is to be human, and to be human is to tinker, create, fix, care, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and design new learning experiences for my students. I’m following Mike Kleba’s stoic advice to believe that the no matter who my students are, we are assigned to each other because we can do amazing things together. Is teaching intimidating? Absolutely! Do I know what will happen this year? Absolutely not! This year, I plan to sit in that gap and create incredible memories with the students assigned to me. I’m falling in love with teaching all over again.
There is a gap between what is and what might be, and that’s a design opportunity.
Carissa Carter, Assembling Tomorrow: A Guide to Designing an Thriving Future
Resources
I love seeing the behind-the-scenes of how music videos are made.
I love when artists sing from the gut. I love when their vulnerability seeps out of the lyrics and the performance. Some of my favorite songs showcasing male vulnerability: Watching the Wheels by John Lennon, Wish You The Best by Lewis Capaldi, Come As You Are by Nirvana (especially the MTV Unplugged version), Daniel by Elton John, and Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me performed live by George Michael and Elton John.
“I Love Learning, I Hate School” | The Modern Learner's Podcast
I first discovered Dr. Susan Bloom from her book, I Love Learning; I Hate School: An Anthropology of College. This episode is a great introduction to the book.
This is a really interesting analysis of Billy Joel’s new song and it’s importance.
Billy Joel Said He’d Retired From Pop. Here's What Brought Him Back. | The New York Times
This article does a good job of describing Joel’s creative process and why he burned out after decades of songwriting and performing.
Assembling Tomorrow Scott Doorley and Carissa Carter
I just finished reading this incredible book, published by Stanford’s d.school. It’s given me a lot to think about as a teacher and designer of learning experiences. How can I fix the mistakes of our past and shape our future for the better?
This is way before Pitch Perfect made a cappella cool.
Let me start by saying that I can spot good teachers by what they don’t say - good teachers don’t lead with assertions they are good; they don’t speak first about students’ weaknesses and vulnerabilities; they don’t lead with “these parents today…”. No, instead good teachers lead with “I’m not the best teacher,” “I may love this job differently than 10 years ago,” and “I have struggled mightily since the pandemic.”
Any teacher, any parent, any outside UN observer, anyone, they can read your posts and know without observing your classroom that you are an excellent teacher. Period.
Second, reading this post, I wonder, how many parents and students feel just as teachers do, and are we simply seeing them as having abdicated roles and responsibilities? As teachers, administrators, and a system taking time to ask and listen to our stakeholders responses to…”We’re now 3 years out from the pandemic, how does parenting, teaching, and school routine feel different?” And, ask for 1-2 observations each as for each facet as we are all in this together.
Now retired, I shared and lived your feelings and experiences. I look back on my career, and I miss aspects of it, dearly and deeply.
I appreciate your insights, your wisdom, and your willingness to re-enter the arena this year. Here’s to a great start of the school year!
I love this so much. I'll be spending the week searching for my own theme song for this year :)